HI. I’M DIANE.

The really good, non-asshole creative writer you're looking for.

I'm from San Diego, now in Brooklyn, which means I walk really fast but am sickeningly nice while doing so.
My portfolio covers a wide range of clients, from baby diapers to adult diapers. (I shit you not.)
Everyone thinks I'm funny except my parents.

My tenets:
Anything can become a pun with time and the right amount of whiskey.
You should try every food at least once.
Crossword puzzles save lives.
People who don't like guacamole are probably serial killers.
Su dog es mi dog (see below).